Monoamory, Polyamory, and the “gamies . . . “

I’ve had my fling with polyamory.  Now, I’m not feeling it, but does that mean that it is not still on my mind?  No, still thinking about it . . . especially when thinking about the common troubles regarding relationships in today’s society.  So, why not blog about some of these issues!

Relationship and marriage troubles are not going away, in fact, they’re growing!  Surprise!

  • Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
  • Divorce rate: 3.4 per 1,000 population

Yeah, I’m definitely talking about this.  On top of the personal impact that relationships have on me, I work in the wedding business.

My own journey led me from a series of monoamorous relationships, “You are the only one for me, baby!” kind of thing.  Since I was . . . 12.  Yeah.  I started young and learned young (thankfully).  Eventually this led me to my last “big” relationship of 4 years, in which I started having feelings for other people, and we had to break up because of it.  I wanted to try polyamory, but he wasn’t touching it.

Shortly after the break up, I realized that I couldn’t handle my jealousy.  I was told, “My feelings for you are a sea and anyone else is just a drop,” which should have helped, but I was enraged by his attraction to females in the “friend circle.”  After this “speech,” even though the ex and I were half getting back together, he told me to back off and that we couldn’t see each other anymore.  That was the real end for me and my jealousy was blamed — so I was really brought down by it.  After another month, I found out that my ex had been talking to my newest beau about the horrors of dating me a few months in advance and now recently — oh, and that I am a “man eater.”  Hypocrisy!

So here I am.  Attempting to learn from my mistakes.  Feeling like the past four years were the biggest waste of my life.  Knowing damn right that while I feel very mono, someday the poly feelings will come back.  And fighting jealous battles left and right!  While I am content with my relationship status as it is now (taken, happy), who knows what the future may bring?  The statistics cited above and my own experiences have been enough proof for me to question everything . . . so what can I do in my situation?

I suppose first I can reconcile the jealousy issue since it doesn’t fit into any relationship style very well.  Secondly, I should probably keep an open mind regarding the changeability of relationships as the days, months and years pass.  Personally, I get bored very easily and I can feel love even easier — so it might happen.  Third, make sure my partner is aware of the dynamics of love, relationships, etc., and that he is okay with “going with the flow” and open.  Yes, just open, because it is the closed minded people who seem to prefer to be stuck in terrible situations over simply giving something a try.

Amor est insanus!

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2 thoughts on “Monoamory, Polyamory, and the “gamies . . . “

  1. Not sure, but wouldn’t the “correct” term technically be something like “πολυαγαπη” or “πολυφιλια”? Haha, Greek and Latin roots don’t usually mix.

    There are plenty of cultures which are non-monogamous (one book I saw at the infoshop in Baltimore featured a matriarchal culture in China – forget the name – where women go through multiple lovers and what we would define as “marriage” in the west is pretty alien to them and has been for centuries, for example) and in many of these cultures an idea of “jealousy” in relationships doesn’t exist. Then again, most of these cultures, from what I’ve read, are much more close-knit than ours, so people don’t really hold the notion that their lover will leave them for good if they become romantic with someone else. I think that’s what it probably comes down to: having multiple partners puts the fear of abandonment in the original partner’s head. Anyway, just my take.

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