Portal 2 and the “Christian Family”

Christ.

No pun.  This article is incredibly homophobic — and questions robotic sexual activity.  If this author is anti-gay, it doesn’t even matter, robots aren’t real anyway, so they can do what they want, right?

As a Christian father, I choose not to allow video games into my household, but occasionally my boys will have sleep overs with other Christian families that might be more lax than ours. Imagine my surprise the other day when I overheard my second oldest boy talking about a video game he had played at a friend’s house. As soon as I heard the name “Portal 2”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to.

I rushed to the computer that I keep locked away from my impressionable children, and what I found was truly disturbing. Just 10 minutes of Bing research produced so much evidence that this game was a homosexual recruitment tool that I have now forbidden it. You better believe that I called the other father and gave him a good talking to. As a devout Christian, he agreed with me and has now burned his Portal 2 DVD on his barbeque grill to make sure this threat to his family is gone for good.

Here are some of the things I have learned: This game is made by Valve software, a wholly owned subsidiary of NAMBLA – the people who invented child molestation. Just the name “valve” produces images in the mind of a Christian man that should not be there.

Game play takes place in a giant gay bath house, where children are encouraged to use their mechanical penis guns to create glory holes. In case you haven’t heard of this filth, “glory holes” are all the rage in gay circles, where sweating homosexuals drill holes into walls and then perform sex through them, without having to show their guilt ridden faces. There is one thing a homosexual hates, and that is for their shame to be seen in the light of day. That is why their bars and bath houses are kept so dark at all times. And believe me friend, this game is dark and shadowy.

There are two adorable robots. Who doesn’t love robots? Kids sure do. Well, these 2 robots are a homosexual couple. The tall one is the dominate bear and the little one is the swishing bottom. Even the voices are clearly transexual which is a dead give away. I shudder to think of what life style choices a little child will think is decent after pretending to be one of these two mechanical gays. Instead of penises, they have glowing red and blue lights in their sex area.

As if that was not enough, there are mechanical testicles and gay saunas around every corner. Not enough? Well this game introduces “gels” which help the innocent children slide through a glowing red sphincter.

I could go on, but my stomach is turning at this latest homo-gay invention. There is nothing christ-centered in this game. Protect your children from this latest assault from the gay agenda.

And this song is awesome from Portal (1):

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4 thoughts on “Portal 2 and the “Christian Family”

  1. Stacy,

    I just saw this article, what a trip. This kid is probably gonna be more damaged by his, over the top father, then this silly game. I wasn’t able to find anything linking NAMBLA to the Valve game developers… but who knows? I’ve been playing that game with my roommate and it is fun as hell! You actually have to THINK in this game as opposed to just running and shooting. Plus it makes you cooperate, with another player, on a psychological level and points out problems with most human interaction. I don’t even think most kids could pick up on most of that stuff, but will just laugh at the funny robots.

    I’m no hardcore gamer, but any game with a story line about a post apocalyptic society where robots are being oppressed by “Advanced AI” is ok in my book. Haha, but I guess I’m a nerd like that and they do act a little fruity. Lol.

    Keep the posts coming!

  2. Pingback: Portal 2 and the “Christian Family” « stacylitz[dot]com | Christian Family Life

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